i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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