i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
