6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
