Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
