Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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