Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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