I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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