Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
