glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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