I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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