dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
