see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
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Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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