im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
