The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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