Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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