She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
