im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
