i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
