so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
