Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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