At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
