Can i not drive my cunt home
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But break dance skills will only take you so far
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We're too hungover to prance.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
