I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
