Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
