38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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