then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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