College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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