I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
