i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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