I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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