I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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