piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
