I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
