I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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