# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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