hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
