Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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