Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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