Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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