my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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