I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
