This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
