Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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