Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Never underestimate the power of titties
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
