She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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