Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
