im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
