I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
