Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
