I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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