Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
