Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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