I wish life had little blips of pornography
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
