I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize