if you like me you must not know who I am
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
