She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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