Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
