Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
