What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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