I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
