My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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