Swine flu is the new snow day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
